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What My Secondary School Life is Like

"True" "Friends"

I only remember the last time I have sort of like a "girl's talk" is when I was in Secondary school. However it turned out that I had been mixing with the wrong group of friends. My clique consisted of 6 persons including me: Clara, M, J, Cass, D. We met in secondary 1. We were in the same class except for D. She is in the Normal Tech stream. At first when we got to know her through CN*, she was a very very fierce person. Thereafter, somehow we became closer and she stays near my house. I started going out with her, mostly to Hougang as her bf stays there. We used to slack at my house nearby, went to Caltex to eat Maggie Mee haha~ The rest of us : Clara, M, J and Cass, we used to joke about everything and anything, talked a lot of craps and pretty much what girl cliques do.

M and I used to stay back in school quite often, and we got to know 2 guys then : J and T. We slowly got to know them and we even conferenced and chatted through the night. That was my first time chatting through the night and very very late. T went with C in the end and I went with J. But we broke up pretty fast through silent break. There were rumours about D doing things behind my back that caused our breakup but I did not believe because when I trust someone, I really do. It was all crush and infatuation I guess. M fell in love with J too, for a whole 2 years I guess, After that it was more like an "on,off" kind of thing. After our sec 3 camp M got together with one of the instructors but she could not stay long in a r/s. Perhaps she was not serious or it is just the feeling of novelty and something happening and all. All her r/s fell through for almost the same reason despite how many advice we give but we were always there for her when she is down and crying, etc.

I was the one who stood up for my friends esp M and C. Even though CN is like an "Ah Lian" but she only know how to speak. All words and no action. It was all the same for M too. Even though she acts so high up and big shot "Ah Lian", I was the one who argued and defended them. All they can do was complain and whine and talking about what they would do the next time the person comes back and curing them. BUT they NEVER stood up for me when I got into argument with other "Ah Lians" in school. Thankfully, I have always won in arguments with them. When they cant stand it because they kept losing, they asked to meet me after school but I cannot bring D along. D told me that they gonna beat me up or some sorts. My then useless bf told me not to go and that he'll settle for me. I was kinda surprised to hear him say that but I guess he is hiding a lot of things I do not know because he was two-timing me blatantly but I always hear things from his friends and other people in school. There were people who disliked me because they felt that I was too naive and they felt worthless for me. :) But we became friends after I left school and when things ended between me and that bf although he created a mess and even threatened to jump off in school when I initiated a break up in the end. =.=""" I just realised I had enough. My friends M,J etc became his messengers and help him pass me messages to distract me and really got me into trouble because of my naive-ness. they themselves feel that he is lying and all, still they helped him pass on messages and after I got into trouble for believing him, then only they "advice" me that if it was them, they would never believe him. =.= seriously....

D and I went around everywhere, did a lot of crazy stuff, she gave me courage to become rebellious although she actually did urge me to study after that. We drifted apart in Secondary 3 onwards as my studies were really bad and I shifted house. She and her boyfriend's relationship was not at all smooth sailing but I really saw the effort she put in although she is not as demure or gentle a girl should be, but she has a lot of plus points too! She is loyal, pretty, straightforward, truthful, and not a hypocrite I guess. She did a lot for me. Even though she might have back-stabbed me here and there, I believed she treated me sincerely. I know it sounds weird but she has nothing to gain from me.

M and I are the closest until we split class due to the subject combinations' difference. I became closer to CN* too. However it was this period of time that I realised that they really loved talking behind other people's back. In Sec 1 and 2, I thought it was normal and all but i felt that it was wrong. I also caught M lying even though I did not expose her albeit knowing how many times she lies to get attention and for whatever reasons. She betrayed me because I told her a secret to test her, and I told her that she must never tell anyone. BUT she told J, ask her not to tell anyone, then CN told me. =.= I still did not expose her. She always never fail to gossip about C during Chinese lessons as I sit beside her. There was once I saw how she cared for C and right after that, she gossiped badly about her in our Chinese lesson. I was very shocked. Since then I decided not to bother too much about her so each Chinese lesson was just me listening to her babbling away...

Each time when J has extra lessons which she do not have, she would then message me to hang out together outside school. She was never there for me yet I was always there for her. I treated her sincerely I have nothing against my conscience.

Slowly I drifted from the rest as they went to the same tuition class but I do not see how it is beneficial to me. But I just got closer to CN although she actually confessed and wrote a love letter to me once ! >_< I just stopped contacting them altogether after the O Levels ended. I purposely showed up late on Results Day so that I can avoid socializing with them all together. I do not wish to become a hypocrite. I am not someone who is confrontational back then. I just want to avoid hurting other people's feelings~

The Truth Speaks for Itself ~
Now that it has been more than 2 years since I left my secondary school, I have a lot of people messaging me, or calling me up to tell me how wrong they were trusting M and they were also the ones who told me all the lies she said to me and the rest. I have people apologizing to me because they judged me wrongly.

If you ever feel mistreated, do not worry if you have not done others wrong. Always give your best in everything. The truth will always speak for itself.

My Fear ~
However, I still feel afraid talking to girls. I will just tense up and I can't help it. I really feel so comfortable around guys but others always see it as flirting. I can really draw a clear line. If I see you as a friend, I will never fall for you no matter how close we get, how much you do for me.

Now that I have found my True Love , I cannot have close guy friends anymore. I need to learn to feel comfortable around girl friends. I do not like it if my ♥Hubby♥ has close female friends and besides, my ♥Hubby♥ is very protective of me. He cares for me and loves me so much that he gets jealous quite easily actually. I have to put myself in his shoes too! My love life do not come easy too~ Shall post about it the next time!

Never ever give up no matter what you face. I fell down, had failed relationships, lost faith in love several times, loved a guy I could not forget, but I never stopped praying for the right one for me. I prayed for more than a year asking God to give me the right guy, at the same time crying every night over a guy I really loved and believed in. I fell down very hard and very very badly. But now, I have my ♥Hubby♥ ~! Shall do a post about him soon~!

Nights Nights everyone~!

Labels: Friendship Gone Bad, Truth Speaks for Itself

❤ "What My Secondary School Life is Like" was Posted On: Wednesday, 23 May 2012 @5/23/2012 10:11:00 am | 0 lovely comments ✿

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